mother's day aftermath

Mother's Day can be quite a stressful time for me, a 35-year old childless-and-happy married woman. (Just calling myself a woman feels kinda strange, because in my mind I'm still too young to own up to that title. )

Last year on Mother's Day Sunday at church, I mistakenly received a flower, because every woman over 30 is surely a mother, right? This year they made all the moms stand up, so I was saved from that situation repeating itself. After the service, while chatting to some people, one of the youth leaders looked at me with an uncertain frown on his face and said-asked, "Happy Mother's Day?" Ah man! We came so close!

It's almost like people feel sorry or embarrassed for you if you don't have children. They don't even consider the possibility that you might have chosen this. But the look on their faces say, "Oh, poor you. Don't worry. This will happen. Just keep on trying". 

I deal with a lot of children every week, and I love some of them with all my heart. But most of the time when I see children in shopping centers and restaurants interact with their parents (and always get their screaming way), I just wanna give those parents the pity-face I have received so many times - that is, after dream-punching the little brats until they stop screaming.

Just the other day there was a little 6-year old girl in our café with her family who awoke that exact same emotion in me. I was trying to get a sentence in with her mom, and she just kept yelling "MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!" at the top of her lungs, to ensure that mom doesn't talk to anybody but her. And her mom totally entertained this - paid attention to her after every yell, never telling her to stop or give the two grown-ups a chance to get a word in. A few minutes later she was throwing a tantrum to get the toy her younger sister was playing with. Again, her parents responded by yielding to her demands - asking the little one to hand the toy over to big sis. I guess you can't really blame the child if her parents make her the queen of the household. And I really do get that this is definitely not the case in all households. But those are the moments when I'm extremely thankful to be where I am in life.

But, to all the wonderful moms out there, I respect you A LOT. You are raising a child in a lawless generation. Succeeding in this, must be the most rewarding thing ever. You have the privilege to raise your kid any way you wish. You have the privilege to sow seeds that will keep on growing forever, good or bad. You have the privilege to teach, direct, nurture, comfort, guide, influence and mold that little blob that came out of YOUR OWN BODY, and see them grow into (hopefully) an amazing person with his or her own unique personality. 

I guess what scares me the most about being a mother, is having a daughter like me. So, to my mom I just wanna say, I don't know how you did it. You are braver than me. I love you.